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August 31, 2006
Not until I'm ready for you can I have it all
More sighing.
Current plans: Looking for a new therapist (since the most recent one, who I've given about five sessions, isn't really working out for me, and is also a huge flake). Also looking for a psychiatrist, since perhaps my malaise and panic and anxiety and general agitation could be because my drug regimen needs tweaking.
For a therapist, I'm looking for one who does body-based therapy, maybe focusing. This is because I'd like a more active approach than just plain old talk therapy. Insights, I gots plenty. Better ways to interact and stay calm, that's what I'd like some help with.
At least the work world is stroking my ego. My current freelance boss loves me, and a regular client just called to give me more work, and praised my previous work as she was giving me the assignment. This is all good, because I was having a nervous breakdown in Francis's arms last night about how I am a huge failure at everything I attempt.
Must remember: "Me=failure" is my irrational hindbrain talking! MUST NOT LISTEN! Maybe I could get a lobotomy? Yeah, that's the ticket.
Posted by Rose at August 31, 2006 03:02 PM
Comments
Sorry you've been having a bad time. Blues Traveler says there is no failure who keeps trying; coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace. ("Just Wait")
I had my own session of sobbing and yelling at myself to shut my damn mouth today and wishing I were dead after I got home from screwing up a possible real estate deal by doing something beyond stupid. I thought I'd done irreparable damage to my client's opinion of me and lost him for good, but my husband quickly figured out a way to fix it. Not that the deal is going to happen, but I would like to maintain the possibility of a deal someday with this investor.
My naturopathic MD gave me a name and number of a psychiatrist in Manhattan who would prescribe on a temporary basis to supplement my talk therapy. If you want, email me and I will send you the information.
Posted by: ElaineTyger at August 31, 2006 10:20 PM
sending you thoughts full of calm and support...
i hope writing about it all helps, because it's so nice to be hearing from you again!
Posted by: gotcha at September 3, 2006 12:59 PM