Heaneyland!

Stool Pigeon

I don't intend for Do What I Tell You to Do Friday to turn into Listen to Songs With Horn Sections Friday; that's just how it's turned out for the first two weeks. This week's song is one I first ran across when I was compiling a set of mix CDs of songs from the '80s that I didn't actually remember from when I was growing up. It's an insanely catchy jazzy Latin-y big band number about a mobster ratting out his pals to the Feds. I know, it sounds like a subject for They Might Be Giants, but it's not treated as a novelty song -- the band is really committed to making this song swing. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Kid Creole and the Coconuts' "Stool Pigeon". Hot-cha-cha-cha.

While you're feeling suggestible, you may also wish to check out my latest Onion crossword (as a Word document with one incorrect clue fixed, or in Across Lite format). And if by some chance you just happen to be one of the people Lorinne auditioned for this morning, I think you should cast her. Trust me, I always know best.

The Tie Project, days 241-248

Next month you'll be able to see the Tie Project live! on stage! at Union Hall in Park Slope, as part of the highly entertaining Adult Education lecture series. You won't want to miss it, unless you are one of my enemies. (More reminders will be forthcoming as the date approaches.) Anyway, I'm taking the occasion of giving this presentation as an excuse to try to catch up on my massive backlog of unposted tie photos. Wish me luck.

Day 241. One thing I like about this tie is how, from a distance, it looks like there's purple in it, but then when you look closer, it's actually red dots on a grayish background. And suddenly I sound like a scene from "Sunday in the Park With George."

Day 242. I wear this shirt with a lot of different ties, don't I? Hello again, shirt.

Day 243. Fun new shirt from Daffy's. (Well, new when I took the photo.) Tie is another one I got from the giveaway table at Cargo -- it's good that sometimes I get the opportunity to acquire ties for free, because I probably wouldn't have paid for it, but I like how it works here.

Day 244. A different tie than I've worn with this shirt before. I like the way this tie looks with it much better than the other one.

Day 245. This tie is another one from Cargo, but it's actually from after I stopped working there. Rose had taken over the copyediting post I vacated, and around Christmastime Miguel, one of the guys in the fashion department, gave her this to give me. It's a Duchamp tie, a make which you may remember I love from the time Lorinne got me one as a gift. The shirt is new, but I forget where it came from.

Day 246. Is this really the first time this shirt is appearing in the Tie Project? I feel like I wear it all the time; it's so comfortable. Maybe I'm just not seeing it in the archives. Or maybe I bought it more recently than I think I did. This is what happens when I wait too long to post these pictures.

Day 247. Sunflowers, baby! Again! But with a blue background this time. Other than the color scheme, this tie is the same pattern as the tie in that photo. And still this is not the other, third sunflower tie I have that is the exact same fabric as the shirt. Apparently I like sunflowers.

Day 248. One of my favorite shirts (mmm, linen, mmm, good colors), combined here with some items previously seen in other outfits, including the sweater I knit for myself. And yes, this picture was taken during last year's sweater weather. So that should give you some idea of what's in store for me as I try to catch up on all these photos, eeeek.

Next time: Private ties, they're watching you, they see your every move. Private ti-i-i-i-ies.

Totally Awesome

Today marks the start of a new (ostensibly weekly, but as ever, we'll see how that works out) feature here at Heaneyland: Do What I Tell You To Do Friday. Here's how it works. I post a song. One song. You download it and listen to it and don't argue with me. Hopefully you will then love it as well. This week's song is "Totally Awesome" by the Pop Project. Since this is a summertime song if ever there was one, I thought I should post it while it was still technically summer. The song starts out a little slow, but by the time the chorus rolls around and the horns kick in, the full irresistibility of the song will become apparent. Also, how can you not love a song about a caterpillar rubbing it IN YOUR FACE about how rad he is now. "Hey look, guess who's a butterfly??" Download and feel the love.

The Pop Project, "Totally Awesome" (Click through for download link. Song will be downloadable for seven days only.)

Also, while you're doing what I tell you to do, register some Democrats to vote in a swing state somewhere. Awesome.

An Oniony news moment

From an article on the discovery of a previously unknown Mozart piece:

Ulrich Leisinger, head of research at the International Mozarteum Foundation in Salzburg, Austria...says there is no doubt that the single sheet was written by the composer and that it is "really important."

I read that sentence and I can't stop myself from thinking that the next paragraph is going to sound like this:

Leisinger characterized himself as "stoked" about the discovery and expressed his belief that the international classical music community would consider it "fucking awesome," as he did.

(Thanks to Lorinne for the link.)

She's very worried about the problems in Yakutsk, Irkutsk, and Kamchatka

Surely people will notice at some point that Sarah Palin is a completely unqualified candidate, right? Right?

Republican presidential candidate John McCain has defended his running mate's qualifications, citing her command of the Alaska National Guard and Alaska's proximity to Russia.

Pressed about what insights into recent Russian actions she gained by living in Alaska, Palin told [interviewer Charlie] Gibson, ''They're our next-door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska.''

"And I've got plenty of federal money that we can use to build a bridge across the Bering Strait so we can invade more easily!" she did not go on to say. More here.

Because who knows more about women than 18-year-old boys?

A poem seen on the #10 bus in Denver, Colorado, when I was there earlier this summer:

Women (by Brad Clark, age 18)

Magical Mythical Matriarchal menacing
Complex Charismatic Creative confusing
Social Sexual Smart succubus
Desired Deep Didactic demoralizing
In a world of puzzles and questions
How could it be
That the hardest of all is made from rib of me?

Hack minds think alike

Hagar the Horrible, Sept. 4:

Blondie, Sept. 5:

Reminds me of other ways in which it's always nice to have a choice.

(Thanks to Peter for the comics tip.)

Still the goofiest rock star around

Ben Folds recently leaked his new album, "Way to Normal" -- except most of the songs on it either aren't the real versions of the songs with those titles, or are songs that don't appear on the album at all. But honestly, all the fake songs are secretly kind of awesome (my personal favorite is "Bitch Went Nutz"). Here's a guide to which songs are the fake ones, and here's the whole pseudo-leaked CD (If you're looking for the songs "Dr. Yang", it's retitled "Lovesick Diagnostician" there). I love you, Ben Folds.