Heaneyland!

Consider it curbed

I haven't had HBO for a while, but I do have a prediction to make about the current season of "Curb Your Enthusiasm", and here it is: I believe that one episode will feature Larry in a men's room sitting next to someone who has run out of toilet paper. That man will ask Larry to give him some toilet paper, and Larry will think that he is being propositioned for gay sex a la Larry Craig, and he will run out of the bathroom and try to find a policeman.

Yes, this thought was inspired by the fact that every time I hear the name Larry Craig, my brain brings up an image of Larry David instead. Where the show goes from there, I'm not sure, but I expect he finds a policeman, who reluctantly follows him to the bathroom, and the man is washing his hands. There's no arrest, but a very igry argument between Larry and the man. "I just wanted some toilet paper!" "Oh, I know what you wanted."

All of Larry's friends naturally think his behavior was appalling. Later Larry sees the same man at a pro-gay marriage protest and thinks this justifies his position; if the man was gay, obviously he's the sort of person who would proposition someone in a bathroom. His friends continue to be horrified at Larry's absurd cluelessness.

Soon Larry has to go to the bathroom and finds a nearby bookstore to duck into. He realizes that the bathroom is filled with gay men who are attending the protest. Then he notices that he is out of toilet paper, but he doesn't want to ask someone for toilet paper lest his intentions be misunderstood. He taps his foot in irritation, wishing they would all leave the bathroom so he could sneak into another stall. Then he notices a long piece of toilet paper dangling off the roll in the stall next door, so he reaches under the wall of the stall to try to pull it off, but the man in the stall sees him and assumes Larry is trying to proposition him for gay sex, so he waits for Larry outside Larry's stall. Larry is mortified that his intentions were misunderstood, but then he realizes that he is attracted to this man and they begin to kiss. The man from the adjacent stall in the first scene walks in and is aghast at Larry's hypocrisy, but soon he decides he's enjoying watching the action and...

CHRIST I JUST ACCIDENTALLY STARTED WRITING CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM SLASH FICTION AAAAAGH