Heaneyland!

Chapter 27, in which I lose it entirely about pre-movie advertising

This is exciting news. A New York City Councilwoman has introduced legislation that would force theaters to advertise when movies actually start, for people (like me) who HATE HATE HATE WITH A BURNING HATE-FILLED PASSION OF HATE advertisement before movies.

Of course, this hypothetical law will be entirely meaningless for really popular movies, because you need to arrive early for such movies if you want to get a decent seat or not have to split up your group all over the theater. Also somewhat mitigating my excitement is the possibility that, though the law may raise consciousness about just how much time is wasted by advertising, the end result may very well be to create a preshow experience equivalent to "The 2wenty", which I HATE EVEN MORE THAN THE WAY I HATED THE PREVIOUS THING I RESORTED TO ALL CAPS FOR OH SO MUCH FUCKING HATE YOU HAD BETTER NOT STAND NEXT TO ME UNLESS YOU WANT HATE TO SPLASH ON YOU YEAH THAT'S RIGHT IF AURAS WEREN'T NEW AGE HOOEY MY AURA WOULD LOOK LIKE A FIERY RED HEDGEHOG OF HATEY HATE HATE WHEN I THINK ABOUT THE THRICE-DAMNED 2WENTY.

Some of you people may be unaware of "The 2wenty", which is a goddamn motherfucking 20-minute-long string of advertisements that takes place during the portion of the moviegoing experience during which, in the past, one would expect to spend hearing music over the PA, maybe seeing slides on the screen, and talking to the people one went to the movies with. "The 2wenty" neatly circumvents the problem of how, when you're talking to people, you are not necessarily facing the screen and absorbing advertising. It does this by blaring at such a volume that conversation is rendered impossible.

Mind you, a 2003 study claims that moviegoers don't mind pre-movie advertising -- hell, they love it!

Among younger movie fans aged 12 to 24, the percentage who do not mind seeing the ads rose to 70 percent, according to the study conducted by Arbitron Inc.

Huh. And as for "The 2wenty" in particular:

"Overwhelmingly, most of our patrons tell us they enjoy it (the 20-minute segment)," said Cliff Marks, president marketing and sales for Regal CineMedia.

Yeah. I would expect, overwhelmingly, most of your patrons don't tell you anything about it either way, because they don't expect that they can do anything about it. Not me, though! The first time I saw a movie that subjected me to "The 2wenty" (at the Union Square 14), I filled out a little form on which I registered my displeasure. They're still showing the damn thing, and I try never to go to that theatre anymore. What can we learn from this? Well, perhaps that people who really hate advertisements don't go to as many movies as they used to, and are thus not around to answer your stupid survey, because the moviegoing experience is unpleasant, and who wants to pay through the nose for something that's unpleasant? Giant hedgehogs do not fit in theater seats, and so theaters should perhaps make an effort not to turn their audiences into giant fiery red hedgehogs of hate. That's all I'm saying.

Posted by Francis at 08:53 PM | TrackBack