Heaneyland!

Still, I applaud them for not just filling the box with only red, white, and blue

Longtime readers of Heaneyland may remember two of my earliest entries, way back in 2003, when I got obsessed with Crayola crayons and the way that Crayola color names have gotten stupider over the years. Well, when I was having brunch on Sunday (at a restaurant that provides crayons with which patrons may draw upon the white paper tablecloths, of course), I discovered that Crayola has perpetrated a crazy new color-naming scheme upon today's youth: colors named after states.

When Crayola called on crayon fans to come up with clever new color names representing their states, they rose to the challenge. Crayon fans nationwide--more than 25,000 strong--nominated existing Crayola crayon colors and gave them new state-related names.

When the polls closed, a group of Crayola color experts convened to select a crayon name for each of the 50 states. The inaugural Crayola State Crayon colors are now serving a term in a limited-edition Crayola 64 Box, along with crayons named for Washington, D.C., and Puerto Rico, and 12 patriotic colors.

Here are some of the more noteworthy names. You'll see that I have a particular dislike for puns and colors with no perceivable relationship to their associated state.

Arizona: Grand Tanyon
California: Sacra-mint-o
Delaware: First State Fuchsia
Indiana: Indianappleous Red
Iowa: A-maize-ing Iowa
North Carolina: Grape Hatteras
Ohio: Rock 'n Roll Raspberry
Oklahoma: Panhandle Paintbrush
Pennsylvania: Independence Indigo
Rhode Island: (deep breath) Newport Jazzberry Festival. AAAAARRRRRGGHH
Tennessee: Tennesienna
Texas: Alamo a la Mode
Utah: Bee-Utah-ful (two puns in one)
Virginia: Williamsburgundy
Wisconsin: Moovalous Cheese

I admit that there are some state color names that I like despite myself:
Illinois: Abe Lincoln's Hat
Maryland: Francis Scott Kiwi

That gives me an idea for when Crayola puts out its commemorative box of Internet colors: Kiwipedia.

Posted by Francis at 11:35 PM | TrackBack