November 04, 2004
And they've all come to look for America
As regular readers have had hammered thoroughly into their heads by now, my humor collection, Holy Tango of Literature -- in which I answer the question "What if poets and playwrights wrote works whose titles were anagrams of their names?" -- will be available soonish. As a tie-in to that book, I am recording a series of songs that answer the question "What if songwriters wrote songs whose titles were anagrams of their names?", which will be available for download.
So here's a sneak preview of one of those songs (and one that seems most appropriate on the occasion of having elected a man who is steadily making our country less safe while somehow convincing people he is making it more safe): "Up on Islam" by Paul Simon. Lyrics after the jump.
Well, the mullah imam, he rolled out of bed, and he started the indoctrination
How the decadent West could be repossessed by subtle infiltration
So all the faithful came running and signed up for the cause
And they're not gonna be working within the laws, whoa
So you better be up on Islam, 'cause Islam's gonna come down on you
Said you better bone up on Islam and hope your knowledge sees you through
They're gonna get all of us praying to Allah and there's nothing we can do
So you better be up on Islam, 'cause Islam's gonna come down on you
Well, the terrorist troops are in a lot of little groups and they're resistant to infiltration
And the president's more concerned with starting a war than the security of the nation
They're on their way, but no one knows from where
They're taking their time and they're taking care
And I may not know their hiding place, but I know that they've got plans
So I bought myself a copy of the Koran, whoa
'Cause you gotta be up on Islam, 'cause Islam's gonna come down on you
Said you better bone up on Islam and hope your knowledge sees you through
You'll be wearing a veil if you're female and there's nothing you can do
So you better be up on Islam, 'cause Islam's gonna come down on you
Said you better be up on Islam, 'cause Islam's gonna come down on you
Excellent. I look forward to "Tito Swam" by Tom Waits.
Posted by: bpd at November 5, 2004 04:30 AMAnd "Hojn Lennon" by John Lennon.
Wait, that's not a very funny idea, is it? Never mind.
Posted by: Billy Joel at November 5, 2004 04:39 AMI'd rather hear Radiohead's "I Heard Ado" or "Geoff or Shit" by Foo Fighters.
Posted by: Scott at November 5, 2004 09:26 AMWell, since I'm sticking to songwriters, I won't be doing Radiohead (like I have any chance of emulating their sound anyway). Here's a list of the upcoming songs you can look forward to (or dread, depending on your opinion of my talents):
It Loves Cellos, by Elvis Costello
Pincer, by Prince
Mitch in Jell-O, by Joni Mitchell
Presbyterians, by Britney Spears
It's Two A.M. / Stow It, Ma (medley) by Tom Waits
Suggestions for other songwriters are welcome, although I prefer to come up with the anagrams myself. (I did know about the Britney Spears one in advance.)
Posted by: Francis at November 5, 2004 09:44 AMAnd, yes, Britney hardly counts as a songwriter. Still. How can you pass that up?
Posted by: Francis at November 5, 2004 09:47 AMI’d love to hear songwriters for the stage, such as Cole Porter (Procter Lee? ROTC Eloper?) or Noel Coward (Rode a Clown? A Cool New Dr.? Wander Loco?) or even the latter’s song about the former: Onward Cole! Not to mention songwriters for the screen such as E.Y. “Yip” Harburg (Barry, Huey, Pig? Hairy Bug Pyre?) of “Over the Rainbow” fame, or the Sherman Brothers, who wrote “A Spoonful of Sugar” and “Winnie the Pooh”, and whose first names you would have to look up.
In the rock/folk/punk/alt/etc field, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the great Jim Infantino (of Jim's Big Ego), but I can easily imagine him writing a song about an islander in big sky country called “Fijian in Mont.” There’d be no reason for you to do it, but it’s another chance to mention Jim.
Thank you,
-Vardibidian.
Well, what about the pseudo-autobiographical "Inbred Davy," by David Byrne? Or Randy Newman's touching upcoming Pixar ballad about Grandmother Incredible's heroic death, "Warned My Nan"?
Both these have many other possible anagrams for you to choose from, but that doesn't prevent me from picking the ones I like.
Posted by: Scott at November 5, 2004 12:17 PMQuick Question for Francis: Are you using an online anagram generator and then scanning for appropriate items? Or are you completely relying on human intellect? I don't want to be cheating here.
Can't wait for It Loves Cellos - Though that might be more for Elvis' Juliet Letters phase in the early '90s.
Posted by: Mark Wade at November 5, 2004 12:34 PMI use a combination of my brain and the anagram function of the program I use to write crosswords (Crossword Compiler for Windows, or CCWin for short). The main benefit of using CCWin is that it has customizable databases -- I would expect, for instance, that online anagram generators aren't going to include the word "Jell-O".
Another song I might someday write, but which I haven't really gotten started on yet: "Bland Boy" by Bob Dylan. (How many roads must a man walk down / Before he's walked down some roads?)
Posted by: Francis at November 5, 2004 12:44 PMOk, I'm going online then. Kids running around the house, can't think.
I'm looking forward to Alanis Morisette's post Bush re-election anthem "Materialist Noses".
Dylan anagram story 2 - John Wesley Harding (aka author to be Wesley Stace) didn't have the guts to name an album "Bob Dylan", so he's been using "Dynablob" for his fan club albums of live performances and additionsl material.
Posted by: Mark Wade at November 5, 2004 12:54 PMAlanis MorisSette. Do'h! The anagram is valid. My spelling is not.
Posted by: Mark Wade at November 5, 2004 12:56 PMOh, and by the way, "Up on Islam" is great; very funny (and a trifle scary).
Thank you,
-V.
Great great great, Francis. I've been waiting anxiously for the book since Michael Rosen tipped me about it so long ago. This tune has helped manage my impatience. More please.
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile at November 13, 2004 09:12 PM